Who wears a wallet chain?!
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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