Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
