??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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