i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
honey bunches of taint.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
