I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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