drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
