Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
