you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Pants are for mortals
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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