She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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