My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
