jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
