im drinking this country out of the recession.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He better not be in your backpack
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
