So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
