man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
