oh god the rape fog is back!
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
