I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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