2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Randomize
