Jerry, you need to find god
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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