I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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