im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
