Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Randomize
