Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
