:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
