you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
