is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
