next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
