no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
