I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
