I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
