I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
