No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
