Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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