I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
