dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
