Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
