This girl is more easily done than said...
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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