After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
