Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
