oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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