I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
