Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
