I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
