somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
