No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
