we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
