I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
