ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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