I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
