About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
