so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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