she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
